Birthday Promises

Personal post alert!

In a blur, my 29th birthday came and went. In the first two months of 2019, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. How much can change in a year? And of that, how much do you actually EXPECT to change? 2018 was both incredibly wonderful as well as one of the most challenging years I have had in my short 29 years of life. At times it felt like the world was growing and evolving but I was stuck, holding on to various things in my personal life that I felt I needed to “fix” in order to move on. In reality, everything around me was evolving and for some reason, I chose not to evolve with it. Looking back it’s easy to criticize how I should have handled things, how I should have changed but now it’s almost more obvious that I needed to go through each trial to not only make me closer with my now fiancé, friends and personal self but also to actually experience some hard shit! Rolling through life with minimal speed bumps might be nice but it also doesn’t let you get banged up and bruised to be able to relate and tell a story.

I have always been a listener. I love to hear what people say, think about what it is they are saying and respond if necessary. I like this about myself. I like that people feel like they can come to me and speak their mind without feeling like they are being judged. When I turned into the person that needed to talk and be heard, it was really hard for me. It felt great to vent but then it felt like “oh she wants everyone to feel bad for her…” and that was something that was really difficult for me to get over.

Over the past few years, there has been a surge in the “self-care” aspect of one’s lifestyle. About 9 months ago, I went into a shop in the Mission and purchased a set of cards that have a word on each card accompanied by a blurb in a little book about what that word might mean to your life. Since then, almost every morning, I will ask myself what it is I need to keep in mind or remember that day and draw the card. The word and the blurb is totally up for your interpretation but what I love about them is it makes you THINK. Think about what has been happening, how you can apply the word to your life and make it more obvious on how it should be present in your everyday living. These little cards help me get out of my own head, give me a prompt for what it is I need to address and send me off feeling more grounded.

Now, in 2019, as a newly ENGAGED (yahoo!!) woman, who is in her last year of her 20’s, there are several things that I have learned from the past LONG 365 days. January and February flew by and they were the most amazing months to sit back and realize every wonderful thing and self-realization that has come out of the last year.

People change. This is so obvious but so hard to admit. The change can be positive or negative and will happen whether you like it or not.
People grow. Much like change, people find themselves and grow in a direction either closer or further away from you. This is not something YOU can change but something you should recognize and try to embrace.
The people who are growing and changing can be family. The people who you thought would never change and would always be there in a certain way DO grow and DO change. They say things, they blame you for things, they can voice hurtful words. Just because they are your blood does not make them exempt from anything that does not serve you in what you think is a positive light. This also makes the pain worse but the hope to fix things stronger. Sometimes a break can be really healthy in these relationships.
You. Cannot. Make. Everyone. Happy. DO YOU. If you are happy if you know your life is headed in a positive direction and how you want your future to look, then forget what people are saying.
STOP TRYING TO PLEASE PEOPLE. Do not worry about what other people think. Just because someone has an opinion about how you are doing something does not give them the right to shut you down. This also does not give you the right to think that everyone is going to hate and judge you for what you have to say.
Forgive. Dwelling on things in the past do no one any good. If you say your peace and forgive what might have happened then you cannot keep revisiting it. It is not healthy.
Be grateful. For every “bad” thing that might happen and last seconds on the hour…there are so many good things that go unnoticed that we need to be grateful for.
Be kind. It costs NOTHING to be a kind human. Simple as that.
It is okay to say no. Saying no, especially for someone who loves to make people happy, is really hard. Rather than spending the energy on figuring out how not to hurt someone’s feelings and in turn just draining your own energy, just tell the truth and say no. If they are your friend or family member and they respect you, they should respect your decisions.
Love. It comes from pockets you least expect it and create the most amazing moments. It can also fix and heal so many things.

This year I am promising myself that I am going to remember the pointers from above and stress less about things not in my control. I get to plan a freaking wedding (!!!!) and have so many wonderful things to look forward to.

Some other…possibly more fun things I am going to hold myself to this year (because if I write it, I have to make it happen, right?!) are:

TAKE MORE PHOTOS! This is the whole reason I started and have the blog
Take more FILM photos – film photography is where I started and what made me fall in love with the art…time to get back to my photo roots
Publish a print shop! This is something several people have been asking for and it’s time to figure out how to do it. (Does anyone have a favorite platform they sell prints/art through besides Etsy?) What would you like to see in it?
Journal – I have found that when I take five minutes in the morning to journal and write down my thoughts for the day, I am a much happier, grateful and calm person. Should be a no brainer.
Make more time for girlfriends. This is an important one to me. I can’t wait to call Zach my husband this December but in the months leading up to that (and after) it’s really important for me to make more girlfriend time. These ladies that love and support me on a daily basis were my soulmates long before I met my wonderful fiance so its a top priority to keep these friendships thriving. (But then also realize like in number nine above that say no and have some alone time…balance, right?)
Workout more! I love the gym, I love Pilates and I have started really liking yoga but I need to make more time for this in my weekly schedule.

I hope this year brings nothing but happiness and emphasis on self-worth for so many people.